Seeking the Heart of God's Bride (Sermon Notes)

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Ephesians 5:25-27

Let me share a story from Joshua Harris’ book Stop Dating the Church (11-12).

Jack and Grace met through a mutual friend. From day one, they seemed to be the perfect match. Grace was everything Jack had always wanted. She was beautiful, outgoing, and caring- always there when Jack needed her.

For the first five months they were inseparable. Jack could hardly think of anything but Grace. He didn’t need to look further, he told friends that “She’s the one.”

Now almost three years have passed. Jack still enjoys the comfort and familiarity of being with Grace, but the spark is gone. Grace’s flaws seem more obvious. He’s not sure he finds her as attractive as he once did. And he’s beginning to resent all the time she wants to spend with him.

One night when she asks if they can define the nature of their relationship, Jack blows up. “We’re together, aren’t we?” he asks angrily. “Why isn’t that enough for you?” Obviously Jack isn’t ready for commitment. And it’s unclear if he ever will be.

Have you ever been in a relationship like this? God has something better for you. He wants you in a relationship defined by both passion and commitment. But before you can take hold of this wonderful plan, you need to know something about this couple. There are millions of Jacks walking around today. And Grace isn’t a girl. Grace is a church.

·      As we dive into this message this morning I want to ask you “Are you married to the church or are you just merely dating?

o   Dating = just with someone

o   Married = committed to someone

·      God has created an institution that is the most precious place on earth and His people should be committed to it and be doing what God has intended for us to do.

·      The Scripture this morning gives us an intensity and depth of the love that Jesus Christ has for the most precious thing on Earth, His church or otherwise known as His bride.

o   Read Ephesians 5:25-33

o   It’s important to understand that God did not derive His inspiration for loving the church from marriage, but God created marriage to illustrate the love He has for the church.

1.   How much does Christ love His church? Verse 25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ love the church and gave Himself up for her. “

a.    He laid down his life so that we might be justified, so that we might be made right and now He is at work making us the men and women of God we are called to be.

b.   The Bridegroom’s love for His bride is not flighty or changing, but rather it’s so deep that He gave His life up for the church, He is committed to His Church.

                                              i.     Ex: The Bride & Groom at a Wedding.

                                             ii.     God created this marriage institution to show and display His love for the church.

                                           iii.     And yet, so many of us treat church like a dating relationship, we like it when we first start, the music sounds “good”, the CAC is wonderful, but when we start talking about true commitment and giving yourself up for the church then we’re like “What one minute, haven’t you seen the problems with this one.”

Maybe it’s a conversation like (monologue):

Hey are you seeing anybody?

Yeah I met this really nice church on Greenwood Ave?

Is that right?

Yeah she’s a really great church. Yeah I really like her, we’ve had some good times

So how long have you all been together?

6 Months or so

Really, are you getting into membership classes?

Yeah, yeah … I’ve gone to about 5 membership classes, she’s really into that. It made her happy, so I went.

Is she attractive?

Oh yeah, she has a new welcome desk, a nice CAC, and about to possibly get a new roof, she’s fine….

So I mean are you, are we talking marriage?

Ah, marriage? Ah, no. I mean, no, I’m still young you know? And there are still a lot of churches out there I have met, you just don’t want to marry the first church you come across. And to be honest there are some things about her that are kind of, I don’t know, she’s kind of clingy. When we get together on Sunday, she wants to us to be there 2 hours. And she wants me to get there on time and turn off my cell phone. But then that’s not enough, she’ll call wanting me to be in a small group or help out with this meal. I mean we have a beautiful thing here, don’t mess with it. I’ve never said this to her, but I want to say “back off.” I’m not saying this to be proud but there are plenty of churches that would want me, but they wouldn’t want me for 2 hours each week, so I need to keep my options open.

Many people date the church!

1.   Ed Stetzer from Lifeway Research says the average church attender stays at a church 18-24 months, are you an average church attender?

2.   Or maybe you’re someone who just like your routine, don’t mess with my routine, because I need my “church fix” for the week.

a.    We long to see everyone love the church as Christ loves the church, we long to see everyone committed to the church as Christ is committed to the church because this is the dearest place on earth. Think about how Christ cherishes His bride.

                                           iv.     “For one will scarcely die for a righteous person- though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die- but God shows his love for us (the church) in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:7-8

1.   Jesus loves the church sacrificially and His sacrifice was not for the lovely or the worthy, but the unlovely and unworthy, also known as the church.

2.   God can expect and command this kind of love from us, who belong to Him, because He has given us the capacity to love as He loves.

a.    1 Thess 4:9 “Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another.”

                                                                                                    i.     Hearing how Christ loves His church should affect the way we love God, one another, and the world.

3.   Just like the husband is not commanded to love His wife and be committed to her because of what she has done or not done, He is commanded to lover her because it is God’s will for him to love her.

4.   Colossians 1:3-4 “We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love that you have for all the saints!”

c.    Transition: His commitment and protection for the church helps cleanse us, purify us, and helps His bride look beautiful.

2.   Christ love and commitment to the dearest place on earth cleanses us so that one-day we might be presented glorious (26-27).

a.    “That he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such blemish (26-27)”.

                                              i.     His love runs so deed that He would make us free from spot, wrinkle, and without blemish so that ONE-DAY, on that final day we would look like Christ.

                                             ii.     Friends, if this does not get you excited, if this does not stir you up inside, if something does not resonate then you should be troubled.

1.   I want you to be troubled as you recognize that your heart and love for the church might not be like what Christ intends for it to be.

                                           iii.     Christ cleanses all spots and wrinkles, because His love churches the church is more than we can imagine.

1.   This paints a picture of a Groom who takes a not-so-pretty orphan who hates Him and He pays for her with His blood to make her a glorious, desirable wife (Romans 8).

2.   How do you see and think about each other, like that?

3.   Ephesians 5 calls us to “Imitators of God.”

4.   Romans 8:29 tells us to “conformed to the image of His Son.”

5.   There is no question that part of being like Jesus is to love what Jesus loves: His Church.

a.    If you love Christ, you should love and be committed to His church, not just put up with the church but have a passion for it.

b.   There is not much thinking at all anymore about the local church, but I want us to have a deep rooted conviction about the importance of the local church and love it as Christ does.

                                                                                                    i.     Ex: College Student

                                                                                                   ii.     Ex: Situation with George Dooms.

b.   Christ is married to the church, but people want to date the church because it’s the easy way out.

                                              i.     Are you just living with the church? (You have certain activities you do, but you’re not committed to the body).

1.   Ex: Marty

                                             ii.     Jesus’ love for us was not a habit, a habit is not the same as love and commitment and God’s heart is not moved by a large group of people who out of habit attend church.

1.   Been married for 25 years …

2.   Colossians 1:9-13

3.   To love correctly is to want only the best for the one you love, is that the type of love you have for the church?

4.   Are you less concerned about what’s there for you and more concerned about how you can be there for the church?

5.   The great news is that Christ seeks to protect us from the world so that we might be holy, have virtue, be pure in every way.

6.   What were things that Christ got upset about in the church?

a.    Division

b.   Abuse of Sacraments

c.    Idol Worship

d.   Religiosity

e.    Everything we see Christ condemning is something that is making the church look ugly, disgusting, and impure.

f.     Church, remember that we are cleansed by the washing of water “by the Word.”

g.    The Word shows us how to be the church, love the church, serve the church, be committed to the church, and we cannot detract from that.

c.    This is not easy for us to take in, because it gets at the heart of a major issue that our Christian American Cult is facing, because commitment is rarely found.

                                              i.     The question we need to be confronted with this morning is, Is God’s design for me to be completely committed to the Church God has placed me in?

                                             ii.     Is there a primary place for me to use and express my gifts in the local church?

                                           iii.     Does Christ love for the Church seem central throughout the Bible?

                                           iv.     Is the local church the primary vehicle that God wants to use in proclaiming his gospel and making disciples of all nations?

                                             v.     With love to the universal church, “am I called to be committed to a specific local body? “

1.   And to all those questions, I shout “Yes”

2.   These standards and truths are not something we have created, but these are from God’s Word.

d.   So what does it mean to love like Christ?

                                              i.     Biblical conviction for God’s Word (Eph 3:7-13; Col 1:15).

1.   The church is the dearest place on earth and the gospel is the most sacred thing in our lives.

                                             ii.     Nothing competes with Christ & His Church (Heb 11)

1.   Making the local church the dearest place on earth makes other places like the football field, softball diamond, or race park not the dearest place. Nothing competes.

                                           iii.     Demonstrated with action, not religion. (Eph 4:16)

1.   Finding your place as a member here, find your place through service by meeting, knowing, and loving people.

                                           iv.     Some of us today have possibly never loved the church, cause we’ve never been taught it’s importance.

                                             v.     Others, might have never begun to love Christ Jesus and allowed Him to rule over your live, because you can’t love the Church til you love Christ and give your life over to Him.

Success in Student Ministry

I am as guilty as the next Student Pastor, it's a habit when you meet someone in ministry that one of the first questions that is asked is "How many do you have in your youth group or church?" The question in and of itself isn't a bad question, but we end up setting a precedent that success in Student Ministry is all about numbers. Through my 12 years of ministry I have struggled with this issue of success in Student Ministry and in churches. Success should not be defined numbers, but rather by how God is moving among the people.


Our Student Ministry has significantly grown in the past year and half and most scholars and believers would say because of that we have been successful. I disagree. I am reminded of Matt Chandler's sermon to SBTS on Hebrews 11. He clearly preached how some will be faithful and conquer great and mighty things, while others will be faithful and be devoured. 


Although I'm thrilled we have grown numerically in our Student Ministry at Mount Pleasant, our real success is we are seeing a generation of young people who love the Lord, are on fire for Him and yearn to continue to grow in Him. If we had that and God decided to use other people and other churches to grow in Student Ministry, I'd be totally fine with that. Our success isn't on results, but rather on faithfulness. And I truly love our students because they are extremely faithful to God and His Word.


So for those who believe numbers means success, I want you to really reevaluate what true success looks like. Individuals like Rob Bell and Joel Olsteen have lots of people following them, but because they're not faithful to the Word, I don't consider that successful. Let's all be challenged to not build our success by worldly standards, but only by God's standards.

Pastor Joe

From mis-carriages to our first born

The fall of 2008, as Alison and I were driving around looking at neighborhoods to buy a house in, we had the discussion every married couple has. Is this the right time to start trying to have kids? Through our discussion in the car, we decided it was time to start trying. We were probably a little unrealistic at first, thinking we would get pregnant instantly without having any issues. I mean my parents had my brother and I at a young age, and my brother and his wife didn’t have any problems getting pregnant.

It took us around 6 months for Alison to get pregnant. We were so excited about being parents, and our prayers were answered. I was a Senor Pastor, we had bought house, and now we were pregnant. We were planting our roots and could not be happier. We told everyone instantly: family, friends, and our church family. Then I will never forget that next week. Alison woke up one morning and came in upset because she thought she had a miscarriage. At first it was not believable, it never crossed my mind that this would happen to us. We were hurt, saddened, and really didn’t know how to respond when the miscarriage was confirmed.  To be honest, my reaction to some degree was “God, why are teenagers getting pregnant and having abortions, and then this happens to us who have a strong desire for children.”

This by far was the hardest thing I have been through in my life to this point. As a husband, I didn’t know what to do to minister and serve my wife as I saw her heart totally broken. I’m very thankful for the brothers and sisters who walked alongside us through that process. The other two staff members and their wives; Joe and Ashley Swords and Mike and April Yates were very faithful to us, and the Lord as they walked with us through this difficulty journey. Romans 12:15 comes to my mind to what these brothers and sisters did with us “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” That’s exactly how they walked through this with us and it was a huge blessing.

The verse that kept coming to our minds during this time was James 1:2-4 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”  God had called us to rejoice in this, this didn’t mean we were suppose to be happy about it, but to rejoice that God can strengthen us during this process, which He did. We often look at suffering and totally forget God’s greater purpose in finding joy in Him.

It’s amazing to look back during this process and see that God did have a purpose in all this.  As we’re struggling, we had a young couple who started to attend our church (Ryan and Emma Cole), and joined our church quickly, and I had the blessing to do their wedding. Shortly after we had our miscarriage, the Cole’s went through the same difficulty. They got pregnant and also had a miscarriage. God was able to use our history to help walk them through their difficulty as well. And it was amazing how both couples (us and the Cole’s) were able to minister to each other after that. It is as if God had all this figured out before the foundation of the world. Several months later we had another miscarriage and they did as well. God’s plan never ceases to amaze me, with putting and bringing people in our lives to help encourage/minister to each other.

The amazing thing about these struggles and suffering (in our personal way) was that God gave us incredible people to walk with us, support us, care for us during this time and that God ultimately had a perfect plan. Looking back at it, we know now that God was protecting us from having children due to some of the circumstances we were in and things we were experiencing. But I was thankful that God placed people in our lives who would support us when it seemed like everything was going against us. Believers, let me encourage you in this, be there for others in their time of need. It is very rare to find those type of people in churches which is pretty sad.

Moving forward to this past February, Alison came home from work with a target bag that had some pregnancy tests in it. We both had a feeling she was pregnant, but wasn’t for sure. She took the test and we found out that she was pregnant again for the third time. It was weird, because we did not want to get our hopes up due to our past. We waited a little while before we told anyone as we tried to get past the point we had in the last two pregnancies. We made it to the first ultrasound and she was still pregnant, so we announced it to close friends and family. I was able to make the announcement when I preached at Mount Pleasant in April then in June we found out we were having a girl. I think it was that point in June when we started to get excited, knowing that we’re getting closer to the point where Alison could at least deliver the baby.

Time moved so fast through the pregnancy. We chose the name Amelia Grace Mayes, which seemed be a great fit. We were finally in a situation in our lives that we were happier than ever, seeing great things done in our ministry. It was God’s perfect timing. Then on November 9, 2011 God brought this precious girl into our lives. The last few days & months have been amazing and we are so happy. This was a difficult journey to get this point, but I wouldn’t trade any part of it. This was our story from miscarriages to our first born, Amelia. Amelia, you dad loves you and is very grateful to God for you.

Let me know how suffering has helped you grow in your faith.


Pastor Joe

Don't date the church, be married to it!

We live in a unique time here int he United States of America, times where church commitment is falling rapidly generation by generation. we are so involved in everything else that church is just a mere afterthought. My question to you today is, "Are you married to the church or are you just merely dating?"

Dating the church can be played in a few different ways. First, a person who dates the church is always switching from one church to another, never satisfied with any particular church. Do you know anybody who the last few years has been members at a few churches? they are treating that relationship with the church as a dating relationship. Another type of person who is dating the church might come to the church when they "need" something. They are members who usually don't come, but now that they are going through a difficult time it's time to start coming back to church.

My challenge to everyone is to be married to a local church. Do not just treat your church involvement like a dating realationship. As God's chose people, we are called the bride of Christ (Revelation 12:9-10). The Church need your commitment and you need the commitment of the church. Find a church that loves on you and is committed to your growth in godliness and God will show you the importance of the local church.

Let me leave you with what Joshua Harris says in his book Stop Dating the Church (page 31): "The greatest motivation we could ever find for being passionately committed to the Church is that Jesus is passionately committed to the Church."

May God bless you this week as you are committed to Him and His Church. I'm looking forward to preaching on this subject at Mount Pleasant on Sunday, May 6th.


Pastor Joe