The fall of 2008, as Alison and I were driving around
looking at neighborhoods to buy a house in, we had the discussion every married
couple has. Is this the right time to start trying to have kids? Through our
discussion in the car, we decided it was time to start trying. We were probably
a little unrealistic at first, thinking we would get pregnant instantly without
having any issues. I mean my parents had my brother and I at a young age, and
my brother and his wife didn’t have any problems getting pregnant.
It took us around 6 months for Alison to get pregnant. We
were so excited about being parents, and our prayers were answered. I was a
Senor Pastor, we had bought house, and now we were pregnant. We were planting
our roots and could not be happier. We told everyone instantly: family,
friends, and our church family. Then I will never forget that next week. Alison
woke up one morning and came in upset because she thought she had a
miscarriage. At first it was not believable, it never crossed my mind that this
would happen to us. We were hurt, saddened, and really didn’t know how to
respond when the miscarriage was confirmed.
To be honest, my reaction to some degree was “God, why are teenagers
getting pregnant and having abortions, and then this happens to us who have a
strong desire for children.”
This by far was the hardest thing I have been through in
my life to this point. As a husband, I didn’t know what to do to minister and
serve my wife as I saw her heart totally broken. I’m very thankful for the
brothers and sisters who walked alongside us through that process. The other
two staff members and their wives; Joe and Ashley Swords and Mike and April
Yates were very faithful to us, and the Lord as they walked with us through
this difficulty journey. Romans 12:15 comes to my mind to what these brothers
and sisters did with us “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those
who weep.” That’s exactly how they walked through this with us and it was a
huge blessing.
The verse that kept coming to our minds during this time
was James 1:2-4 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you
meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith
produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you
may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” God had called us to rejoice in this, this
didn’t mean we were suppose to be happy about it, but to rejoice that God can
strengthen us during this process, which He did. We often look at suffering and
totally forget God’s greater purpose in finding joy in Him.
It’s amazing to look back during this process and see
that God did have a purpose in all this. As we’re struggling, we had a young couple who
started to attend our church (Ryan and Emma Cole), and joined our church
quickly, and I had the blessing to do their wedding. Shortly after we had our
miscarriage, the Cole’s went through the same difficulty. They got pregnant and
also had a miscarriage. God was able to use our history to help walk them
through their difficulty as well. And it was amazing how both couples (us and
the Cole’s) were able to minister to each other after that. It is as if God had
all this figured out before the foundation of the world. Several months later
we had another miscarriage and they did as well. God’s plan never ceases to
amaze me, with putting and bringing people in our lives to help
encourage/minister to each other.
The amazing thing about these struggles and suffering
(in our personal way) was that God gave us incredible people to walk with us,
support us, care for us during this time and that God ultimately had a perfect
plan. Looking back at it, we know now that God was protecting us from having
children due to some of the circumstances we were in and things we were
experiencing. But I was thankful that God placed people in our lives who would
support us when it seemed like everything was going against us. Believers, let
me encourage you in this, be there for others in their time of need. It is very
rare to find those type of people in churches which is pretty sad.
Moving forward to this past February, Alison came home
from work with a target bag that had some pregnancy tests in it. We both had a
feeling she was pregnant, but wasn’t for sure. She took the test and we found
out that she was pregnant again for the third time. It was weird, because we
did not want to get our hopes up due to our past. We waited a little while
before we told anyone as we tried to get past the point we had in the last two
pregnancies. We made it to the first ultrasound and she was still pregnant, so
we announced it to close friends and family. I was able to make the
announcement when I preached at Mount Pleasant in April then in June we found
out we were having a girl. I think it was that point in June when we started to
get excited, knowing that we’re getting closer to the point where Alison could
at least deliver the baby.
Time moved so fast through the pregnancy. We chose the
name Amelia Grace Mayes, which seemed be a great fit. We were finally in a
situation in our lives that we were happier than ever, seeing great things done
in our ministry. It was God’s perfect timing. Then on November 9, 2011 God brought
this precious girl into our lives. The last few days & months have been amazing and we
are so happy. This was a difficult journey to get this point, but I wouldn’t
trade any part of it. This was our story from miscarriages to our first born,
Amelia. Amelia, you dad loves you and is very grateful to God for you.
Pastor Joe
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